The Unanswered Questions of God's Game: Hoops and the Futile Search for Answers

As I sat up in my bed at 3 am last night, I thought about what could I possible write my first ever blog entry about. My own hypocrisy, as someone who has occasionally scoffed at the rise of the blogosphere during the decline of traditional paid journalism in a way that rivaled the vulgariy of David Simon's season 5 rants in response to the decline of print media? Probably not. I did, however, have a lot of questions about the greatest sport at this point of human evolution. So let me ask these questions: rhetorical, factual, probing, sparked by these NBA playoffs, or swimming in my brain for years.

• Why don't Americans chant like this? (remember: some of these questions are rhetorical, no one needs to write a Philhellenist treatise on Greek nationalism or the condition of the Mediterrenian welfare state.) Speaking of Greece, Josh Childress did a fine job in the finals, but Panathinaikos took their 2nd title in 3 years.


• is 23 > 24? I think so, but I'm too angry to think about Kobe with a post-Shaq ring.


• How quick can I jump on the Magic bandwagon because of my Lakers-loathing?


• How do I rank Wilt Chamberlain's most crazy accomplishments? Some possibilities are the 100 point game, the 50.4 PPG season, the 55 rebounds on Bill Russell game, bedding 20,000 women, never fouling out of a game ever, leading the NBA in assists to prove he could, the only player to ever record a quadruple double double (which he did 5 times), the only player to get a double-triple-double, playing 79 complete games out of 80 in a season (only sitting for 8 minutes that entire season), his incredible series against a young Kareem Abdul-Jabbar? My natural political instincts would normally make me skeptical about a friend of Richard Nixon who had a theory by Robert Nozick named after him, but I'm fascinating by his freakish career and accomplishments. I wonder if any good volleyball videos of Wilt exist...


• Why is it so easy to hate Duke? Why? Why? Why? Why? I don't even usually follow the ACC that closely, but I have no level of hatred like this for any team north of Mason-Dixon.


• Will we see a rematch of Calipari vs. Self NCAA championship next year? Kansas 82, Kentucky 68. Kentucky gets the death penalty by 2012.


• Are the Spurs done for good or was this a lull thanks to a strong west and injured Ginobli? What type of character does infamous geek Tim Duncan play in Dungeons and Dragons? I'm thinking a Paladin with a particular dignity and quiet strength. (The Spurs are still boring, forever.)


• How will the refs call/be allowed to call Euro-flopping next year?


• What inspired the Freedarko hatred of Mike Breen? I suppose the blog speaks for itself on this issue. And why did I buy it so quickly? Suddenly I'm a Breen-hater. Oy! Thank G-d for Van Gundy calling Van Gundy?


• Speaking of broadcasting, what's with Bill Walton's bad back excuses? He played basketball much more hurt than this. We need you back, Bill. During his legendary Boris Diaw piece I linked, you can hear him stutter briefly; I find it particularly inspirational that a shy man with an admitted Stuttering problem is one of the top color men in the game.


• Also, Bill, why does your son suck?


• If stupid ESPN gets the Summer Olympics, does it mean I'll never hear the NBA on NBC theme ever again?


• Most urgently, are these the best NBA playoffs ever, or the worst? ("neither" is an option too, though not a very exciting one to write about.)

Arguments:

+ Celtics/Bulls series, specifically Rondo's incredible duel with Derrick Rose.

+ The Nuggets putting up the best offensive performance in NBA playoff history, and having the chance to watch that game, and rooting for that very result.

+ Mabye we'll get to see Melo in a Pirates hat at watching the finals.

- The Nuggets aren't in the finals. No chance for me to make a "Billups for HOF!" arguments. No "Is Birdman actually net positive?" debate. No tattoos per square inch statistics. No redemption.

- Kobe.

- Bryant.

- "Staples".

- The fact that the Bad Boys Pistons "changed the game forever" and no fast break-first team since the Showtime Lakers have won a title. The game slows down, valuable points per possession rule, and good defense and frequent fouling make me flip over to Simpsons re-runs.

- No Suns in the playoffs.

- No Warriors even near the playoffs.

It seems the best hope for a high flying team to take back the trophy is Lebron either joining D'Antoni's Knicks in 2010-2011 or Jay Z Presents The Brooklyn Nets. Pessimism of the intellect, optimism of the will?

Waiting for a fast break championship,

I Remain,

Chris George